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chim chim cha boo 5:57 Sun Jun 28
A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Well that's a first.
Out at dinner in a hawkers market in Asia and a right scruffy, half-tailed and starving cat looks up at me with a 'give us some of your Sea-Bass you cunt' look in his eyes.
Obviously as an Englishman I obliged the poor thing when I heard from another table 'don't give food to the focking catsh'.
I'm on holiday so don't particularly want a tear-up so I ignored him and gave a bit more to the cat who was so hungry he nearly took my hand off. I'd also seen a (I think) Chinese bloke with his family swing a boot at it earlier and had to sit on my hands. It's not my country after all.
I managed to ignore this cunt until he said something that really fucking grinds my gears- 'HEY, IDIOT'. I turned round and there's this pissed-up Dutchman, about mid forties, you know the type, a European child fucker if I've ever seen one. Tall, as most Dutch people are and a bit oily.
'Why don't you mind your own business'? I said.
'Think!' He says, 'what if everyone in here fed the catsh? Fuck off and stop feeding them'.
'Who are you telling to fuck off, you Dutch cunt? I'm telling you one more time- fuck off and mind your own business'.
He kept on talking some bollocks under his breath and said something to the waitress. I lost interest and started tucking back into my fish when he comes over on his way out of the market, stands next to our table and says again 'what if everyone fed the focking catsh you focking idiot?'
'Well there'd be more cats and I happen to like cats. When I see something starving and I've got some food I try and help it out. I think it's a British thing so of course a cunt like you wouldn't understand it'.
He goes all red in the face, goes quiet for a second and says 'I eat focking catsh. And dogsh. And maybe...' (pointing to his forehead) 'I will eat YOU'.
It sounded pretty gay at the time and I can understand him eating cats and dogs because I've actually eaten Dutch food before. But pretty fucking bizarre eh?
So, is that the weirdest threat ever or what?
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Far Cough
5:58 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Blatantly Steve McClaren
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The Cult Of Bob
6:00 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Give him an Oranjeboom.
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mallard
6:02 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Did the cat help you out?
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Pea Hammer
6:02 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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So.....
Did he eat you!?!?!?
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Joke Whole
6:05 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Doffs cap.
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ted fenton
6:07 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Good read.
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jammydee
6:12 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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I remember my first trip abroad..
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:^)
6:13 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Surely feeding cats is a good thing if he eats them?
Dozy clogged up cunt.
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Takashi Miike
6:13 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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you should have kickshed him in the bollocksh, the fuckingsh cuntsh
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gph
6:16 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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He could have been F(le)amished.
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Hammer and Pickle
6:17 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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It's definitely a Dutch thing. Some Dutch mate of mine at a very big bourgeois French wedding threatened to kill an Indian bird for stealing his sunglasses.
It was the middle of the night but too be fair we had run out of coke.
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Hammer and Pickle
6:18 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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*to*
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Gavros
6:18 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Steve McClaren on a scouting trip?
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Worst Case Ontario
6:18 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Dutch cunts. Wrong uns the lot of em.
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chad sexington
6:18 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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After his second tirade why didn't you beat him to a fucking pulp?
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Oliver Cromwell
6:19 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Holiday or not should of just attacked him
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Hammer and Pickle
6:23 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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"I'm gonna stick this fork in your forehead because I don't like your forehead"
I admire your restraint, chim.
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bruuuno
6:34 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Was he wearing clogs?
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ted fenton
6:52 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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I thought it read Dutch Cap :-)
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Crumpet
6:55 Sun Jun 28
Re: A Dutch chap just genuinely threatened to eat me.
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Takashi Miike 6:13 Sun Jun 28
That gave me a genuine hearty chortle. I also concur.
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